Every Man For Himself
by EmeraldEuphoria
Summary: Have you ever known someone; a friend, a family member, a boyfriend or girlfriend that sucked at cooking? And you didn't have the heart to tell them, no one did, so you all suffered their cooking for a while before you all decided to never allow them near a kitchen? Yeah, this is one of those situations.


**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**ENJOY!**

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Have you ever known someone; a friend, a family member, a boyfriend or girlfriend that sucked at cooking? And you didn't have the heart to tell them, no one did, so you all suffered their cooking for a while before you all decided to never allow them near a kitchen, and if you ever found out they were cooking, you'd warn the others and run, and if you were already stuck, you'd sacrifice yourself for them, and it all felt very dramatic but was actually pretty serious?

...Yeah, this is one of those stories…

* * *

Santana and Brittany were at Quinn's apartment, waiting for Kurt, Rachel, Tina and Sugar to arrive. They all decided, after they graduated, that they'd make monthly visits to keep in touch. But school and schedules made it difficult for them all to be at the same place at the same time. But they took what they could; which was that anyone who was free would go the gathering.

Santana and Brittany were sitting in the living room where they were ushered, laughing and catching up with Quinn. They hadn't been able to make it the past couple of months, so they didn't know that Sugar and Artie were dating, or that Tina was the maid of honor for her cousin's wedding and is about to kill the soon-to-be bride because of her controlling nature. So they had a lot to talk about.

"Are you serious?" Santana exclaimed, "But I though Rachel was dating some Brody guy?"

Quinn shook her head, "She was, not anymore…"

Brittany chuckled, "College changed her a little too much, huh?"

"Tell me about it!" Quinn laughed, "But she is coming into her own and she's finally comfortable enough in her own shoes, y'know?"

Santana hummed and nodded.

They traded little bits and pieces of what had been going on in their lives, when Santana frowned, "Is it just me or is there a weird smell?"

Suddenly, Santana's eyes widened and she and Brittany froze. Quinn grinned, "Yeah! I'm making this new recipe I found online!"

Brittany reached for Santana's hand and proceeded to squeeze the life out of her.

"You…" Santana swallowed, "You're cooking?"

Quinn nodded happily, "It's been a while, hasn't it? What with someone always not being able to come here so we had to go to them, huh?"

That wasn't true; nobody had anything stopping them from coming, other than Quinn's terrible cooking. They all made an agreement that every month; one of them would come up with an excuse so the blonde would be unable to cook…

Quinn stood up, "Come to think of it, I should check up on it!"

Brittany and Santana sat in complete silence for all of ten seconds before Brittany chocked out, "Shit, she's cooking."

Santana nodded.

Ten more seconds before Brittany realized something, "Crap! San, we need to warn the others!"

Santana's eyes regained some of the life that left them, "Okay, you take Rachel and Sugar, I'll take Tina and Kurt!"

The two set about texting their four friends. It was too late for the two of them.

Quinn returned, all smiles, "It's coming along beautifully!"

_Right,_ Santana thought, _that's what you said about the chicken four months ago! And I was throwing up for three days straight!_ She mentally scoffed, _and that roast beef that made Brittany unable to move without nearly passing out for a week! Sure, it's coming along beautifully!_

Brittany's phone ringed, and she quickly got up, "It's Rachel! I'm gonna go take it in the bedroom!"

Santana frowned; she had a horrible feeling about this.

A few minutes later, Brittany emerged from Quinn's bedroom, an obviously – to Santana – fake pout on her lips, and Santana's heart sank.

"Quinn, I'm _so_ sorry! But Rachel has this NYADA showcase coming up in a few days, so she can't come and she needs my help…" she mumbled, looking beyond upset – all fake, Santana knew.

Santana started shaking her head frantically, she was being left behind! By her own girlfriend no less!

Quinn pouted, "That's too bad! I was really excited for you to try this new recipe…"

Brittany nodded, "I was too! Maybe you could wrap some up and give Santana to bring home?"

"Okay, sweetie," Quinn got up and hugged the taller blonde, "Have fun with Rachel!"

"Sure!" she turned around too quickly, and put her coat on.

Santana was sitting there, staring at her girlfriend's retreating back, wondering why she was friends with these people.

* * *

Santana was alone in the living room, staring at the text she'd gotten from Brittany: _I'm sorry! I'm too young to die!_

She frowned, and replied: _What about me?!_

Her phone buzzed, signaling a text.

_From Kurt: Hi! I just found out! I'm so sorry! But I just called Quinn and told her I'd forgotten I had to practice for the showcase too! You can't blame Britt for what she did though! Hang in there, babe! _

She groaned and threw her head back, when her phone buzzed two consecutive times.

_From Sugar: I have the flu! That's my excuse! Sorry about Britt _

_From Brittany: Baby, when it comes to Q's cooking, it's every man for himself! You're tougher than me, you'll survive! I love you! May the odds be ever in your favor :/_

Santana nearly cried; she was alone to endure this! It might seem overly dramatic to you, but Quinn's cooking managed to hospitalize Blaine for two weeks! Santana was _scared_!

She opened her eyes and stared at the front door, confused. She was sure she'd heard a knock, but who could it be?

"San, could you get the door? I'm taking our dinner out of the over!"

Santana gagged at the smell coming from the kitchen and got up to answer the door.

She opened it and her first instinct was the throw herself at the girl on the other side.

Tina stumbled back slightly, but wrapped her arms around the groaning girl. "I heard that you were abandoned."

"So you came for me?" Santana mumbled.

Tina nodded, "Someone needed to be here in case you should need an ambulance or something."

She said it quite seriously too…

Santana pulled back, "Brittany left me here!" she whined, letting the Asian girl in.

Tina shook her head, "I can't blame her, if I were in her place, I'd try to find a way out too… we all would."

Santana wrinkled her nose at the smell and turned to Tina, "I don't even want to know what that could be."

"What the hell is that smell? That cannot be actual food!" Tina exclaimed.

"I'm beginning to think Q's just trying to poison us!"

Quinn came out of the kitchen and smiled so big at the sight of Tina that both girls knew the blonde legitimately thought she could cook. And it was probably their fault; they should've straight out told her she couldn't the first time… too late now.

"You're here!" Quinn pulled Tina in for a hug. "And just in time; dinner was just served!"

Tina and Santana's hands found each other and they held on for support.

* * *

Brittany, Rachel, Kurt and Sugar were sitting together in the quiet of Rachel and Kurt's apartment.

"How do you think they're holding up?" Brittany asked.

The other three just shrugged.

"Don't know," Kurt whispered, "Let's just hope no ambulance is needed…"

Sugar hummed and Rachel nodded.

The four sent a silent prayer to their friends.

* * *

Tina and Santana sat extremely close to each other at the table, facing Quinn who was eating a garden salad, while the two of them had plates of orange and green colored…something.

"She is trying to poison us… _salad_…" Santana mumbled, and only Tina heard.

Tina hummed her agreement.

"Well, aren't you going to eat?" Quinn asked innocently, "I wanna know what you think of it!"

Taking a deep breath, both girls lifted their forks to their mouths and made quick work of eating it.

They barely managed to swallow it, and Santana was feeling a little dizzy. _What the hell was that?_

"So?" the blonde asked, excited.

Tina wanted to say _Quinn, sweetie, you can't cook_, but what came out was, "It's really good! What's that sweet flavor?"

Santana leaned heavily on Tina as the blonde explained in vivid detail what the recipe was and all the extra things she put because she thought they worked.

* * *

Santana and Tina stood outside Quinn's apartment building, sighing in relief at having made it out alive and without a trip to hug the toilet.

"We really need to tell her the truth…" Tina mumbled after throwing the food – if you could call it that – which Quinn packed for them.

Santana nodded, "True. I can't handle this. Let's arrange an intervention next month. Your place?"

"Sure." Tina agreed and pulled the tan girl for a goodbye hug.

* * *

Santana leaned on the door of her and Brittany's apartment as she locked it behind her.

"San? Baby?" Came the call from the bedroom before the tall blonde came out cautiously, "How are you?"

Santana pouted, "She made green stuff, Britt… and she added crap to the recipe because she freakin' felt like it," she stumbled into the open and awaiting arms of her girlfriend.

"Aw, you poor baby," Brittany kissed her girlfriend's temple, "How much did you eat?"

Santana kissed the closest thing to her; Brittany's collarbone, "Not much. Tina put back half of our plates in the bowl when Quinn went to answer the phone, and then we claimed we were too full…"

Brittany giggled, "Clever."

"She's Asian…" Santana said as though that explained it.

Brittany and Santana we're lying in bed when Brittany sighed, "I'm sorry I left you there, baby."

"It's okay, Britt," Santana kissed her sweetly, "I would rather suffer a million of Q's _brilliant_ recipes than have you sit through one."

The blonde pulled her closer, "You're so sweet. I love you."

"Love you too…" Mumbled Santana before drifting off to sleep.

Brittany reached for her phone and sent a text before following her girlfriend to dreamland.

_To Tina: Thank you for being there! I felt guilty leaving her and I'm glad she didn't go through this alone! We owe you!_

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**A/N: So?**

**This is so meaningless xD**

**I have a very weird fascination with Santina friendship! **

**All mistakes are mine. I just wrote it like, half an hour ago so... excuse me!**

**Review telling me what you thought, liked, didn't like, what I should work on and all that jazz!**

**Now Playing: Olly Murs - TROUBLEMAKER! I love this song! And I'm playing it on repeat because I wanna write a fic on it :P**

**Cheers.**


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